


The Doorways That Kept Him Safe

by Lost_Wings



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Acceptance, Belonging, Canon Universe, Dates, Deckerstar - Freeform, Doorways, Established Relationship, F/M, Happy Ending, Heaven, Hell, Holding Hands, Identity, Love, Lucifer is afraid of doors, One-Shots, Panic Attack, Pre-Relationship, Self-Love, Slight Canon Divergence, Temporary Character Death, doors, fears, safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23036536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lost_Wings/pseuds/Lost_Wings
Summary: Lucifer doesn't have a door to his bedroom, in fact, Lucifer's penthouse has a serious lack of doors. And it leaves Chloe wondering why.- 8 significant moments in Lucifer's journey to overcome his fear of doors -
Relationships: Chloe Decker & Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 33
Kudos: 254





	1. The Doors of Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!!  
> So this is the longest fic I've ever written. I had these random ideas about doors, so I tried to tie them all into one big story. Hopefully, it worked! Each chapter could be considered a one-shot, but it's written to be read in chronological order, like a regular multi-chapter story. 
> 
> A huge thank you to [Ohmylordy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohmylordy/pseuds/Ohmylordy) for being my beta. Her feedback was invaluable and inspiring. Also, thank you to her and [Cece20](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cece20/pseuds/Cece20) for talking about all my door related ideas with me, and for being lovely, amazing people. 
> 
> Happy reading!! xo

********

********

_There are no doors in Heaven. In a place that is paradise for every soul allowed in, there is no need for doors. Souls wander the Promised Land freely, seeing their joys manifest around them. There is no darkness that requires a door to hide behind. No anger that yearns to be punctuated by the slamming of a door. No chaos great enough from which one needs to escape. There are simply the gates at the entrance, ensuring that only the deserving dead can enter the Silver City. And the monsters are kept out. ~~~~_

_There is peace and order, always._

_But Lucifer remembers the ringing clang of the gates as his Father slammed them shut while he fell. He can still taste iron on his tongue. Smell it. Whether from his blood or from the way that metallic sound permeated his entire being, he cannot be sure. The gates had been shut in anger, against the chaos he had created, against the monster he must have surely become._

Falling is a strange experience for a being with wings; gravity was an unwelcome sensation, too strong for the divine limbs attached to his back. Air _whooshed_ upward, and Samael could not breathe. The universe spun and he shut his eyes against it. The next time he opened them he had been plunged into an eternal night. And still he was falling.

His body crashed against a pillar of stone. He tumbled over himself and then hit the ground at such a speed that the very foundations of Hell shook. Samael felt the vibrations tremor through every feather. He lay there motionless for a heartbeat, then raised his head and blinked ash from his eyes.

Hell was bathed in a dark blue hue, a mix of stone, ash and a dire lack of starlight. While Heaven was characterised by its space, Hell was not. Heaven was an expansive landscape, stretching further than the eye could see in any direction. The horizon was a permanent fixture, always glittering in the distance, a perfect underline to frame the stars beyond. There was no horizon in Hell. There were no stars either.

Samael pushed himself up onto his knees and stood shakily. He stood there, peering up at the tumultuous sky above that appeared to be years away from where he stood in the depths of Hell. He was accustomed to living within the sky, not below it. Walls rose up on either side of him, and if there had been any light, their shadows would have crisscrossed over the stony ground. Samael stumbled forward, testing his aching joints with his first steps in this new land. He tried to breathe but choked on ash and stale air. Samael trembled, and wrapped his arms around himself.

“Hello,” he whispered. His voice came out raspy and foreign sounding. He cleared his throat and tried again.

“Dad, can you hear me?”

His voice echoed, _“Dad, can you hear me?” “Dad, can you hear me?” “Dad, can you hear me?”_

Pathetic.

Shame washed over him. Samael tried to stretch but jagged edges of stone caught at his wings. A soft, down feather became dislodged and sunk to the ground.

Samael awkwardly tried to turn around and take in his surroundings. The air was thick and warm. Samael had spent millennia enjoying the space of the entire universe and now he was trapped by walls. Even being alone in Heaven had not required an enclosed space. A soul could simply wander off until there was not another soul in sight, such was the immensity of Heaven.

Samael had never yearned to be alone.

His eyes landed on a door, just off to his right, a little way forward. It was a wonder he recognised its shape and purpose, seeing as though he had never seen one before. He felt his Father must surely be toying with him, playing on Samael’s curiosity and desire for freedom by presenting him with not one, Samael gazed ahead, but limitless doors. Infinite possibilities.

Apprehensive of his Father’s motives yet naïve and fearless in his pursuit of discovering the unknown, Samael scrambled toward it. His heart pounded. The shame he felt earlier replaced by something dangerous; hope.

The door was unlocked so he pushed it open. He peered into the room but it was empty and led nowhere. It didn’t matter, he thought to himself, there were many more.

Samael opened the next door. It too led to an empty room with nowhere to go. It didn’t matter, he thought once again, there were many more.

Samael opened door after door, each empty room dimming his hope. He walked the halls for days, never missing a door. He had yet to formally meet the strange creatures, demons he assumed, that inhabited Hell but they followed him through the halls, feeding off his growing desperation. They laughed hysterically as Samael discovered each empty room and Samael imagined his Father laughing too. Samael had never had a reason to feel fear and the demons, they did not scare him. He simply felt curiosity, tinged with frustration. But Samael _was_ scared. It was uncomfortable, not unlike the feeling of falling, and as his terror grew so did the desire to hide it.

There was one final door. It was open ajar. Samael strode toward it, pushing it open.

Empty.

The chorus of demons roared, Samael spun around, eyes flashing dangerously.

“Silence,” he thundered.

“Dad, can you hear me?” mimicked a particularly callous demon.

“Angel… you do not belong here amongst the brethren of Lilith.” One of the demons stepped forward.

Samael held his chin up, “I will not be ridiculed. I am a son of God.”

“Not anymore,” came another voice.

The demons laughed again. Then they dispersed, their voices echoing throughout Hell.

Only one demon remained. Half of her face resembled that of a young woman. The other half was disfigured as though someone had peeled off her skin, revealing the muscles and sinew underneath. She stepped forward, eyes on Samael, challenging him to meet her gaze.

“So, what did an angel of God do to get cast down into Hell?”

Samael kicked at rubble on the ground.

“You’ll be very lonely if you choose to make an enemy of me,” the demon warned.

“You seem to be the one who is alone,” Samael bit back. He had not lost his usual wit and belatedly he wondered whether that was frowned upon too, both in Heaven and here. Wit was unpredictable. It did not fit Heaven’s order. A tiny bubble deep inside him hoped wit belonged in the chaos of Hell.

The demon scowled. Samael smiled softly. He liked that scowl. And decided to give the demon what she asked.

“I desired free will.”

The demon raised her hands and spun around slowly, “Well you got it.”

Samael frowned.

The demon grinned.

“What are all these empty rooms for?” Samael asked. Curiosity would always be his downfall.

“Rumour has it they will be for all the humans that do not belong in Heaven,” the demon said, swiping her tongue along her top lip.

Samael shook his head, “Nobody deserves to be trapped and alone… for being who they are…”

“These dead humans will,” she interrupted forcefully. “They are monsters. And so are we.”

“You’re not a monster,” Samael said automatically. In Heaven, there had never been anything of the sort.

“You don’t know me,” she replied haughtily.

He arched his eyebrow.

“I am Daughter of Lilith, Mazikeen of the Lilim”.

“Well Daughter of Lilith, Mazikeen, I don’t think you are a monster. Samael, The Lightbringer,” he said raising his hand.

The demon regarded it disdainfully and Samael let his hand drop.

“We’re all monsters here,” she sneered.

“No, I…”

“Heaven doesn’t want you, Angel Boy. Where will you go if Hell doesn’t want you either?”

Her eyes sparkled as she made a show of looking around.

Samael swallowed hard.

“I don’t belong here,” he said quietly.

“When the humans come, we will torture them for eternity,” Mazikeen said ignoring him. “If you want to stay, you will do so too. The other demons will never accept you otherwise.” She warned. 

Samael raised his eyes to the sky, tears threatening to fall down his cheeks. He swiped his hands across his eyes, momentarily stunned by the novel experience, before his stare turned hard and resolve settled over his face.

“When the humans come, I will not torture them. Their guilt will be torture enough. And the doors, they stay unlocked,” he said quietly. 

Mazikeen raised her eyebrows.

“And if they don’t feel guilty?”

“They will. They will be so absorbed in their mistakes, in their flaws, that they will be dying to do things differently, over and over again.”

“Their guilt keeps them trapped while freedom is only a doorway away. Cruel. I like it.”

Samael gave her a sharp nod.

“See that wasn’t too hard. You belong here.” Mazikeen regarded him quietly.

She walked toward him slowly, her fingers ghosting over his bare chest, then under his chin, lifting his eyes to hers. “What will you do with all your new found free will, Samael?”

“Do not call me Samael.” His answer was sudden and it was only after Samael said it that he realised how much he meant it. He was not his father’s son anymore. His father had made that clear.

“Oh, what should I call you, My King?” She stepped closer.

Samael stepped back from Mazikeen and turned away. Mazikeen pouted.

A new name, his own name. One that had nothing to do with his father. Samael smiled properly for the first time since landing in Hell.

“Lucifer. My name is Lucifer.”

“I like it. It sounds… dangerous.”

Lucifer took a deep breath and turned back to face her, “It does, doesn’t it?”

He grinned with pride. Lucifer liked that it sounded dangerous. It was his second rebellion, a celebration of the twisted freedom Hell offered.

But as Mazikeen grabbed his hand and led him deeper into the bowels of Hell he allowed himself a moment to acknowledge the true power of choosing his own name. A name that he chose to remind himself that no matter what happened in this dark place there was still light inside him, and that somewhere in the universe the stars still shone.


	2. The Elevator Doors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Panic attack.

Chloe stepped into the elevator, rolling her neck. Lucifer watched her appreciatively. Rain seeped off the ends of her hair, wetting her coat. She tucked a strand behind her ear.

“When the storm passes, we have to go back to Griffith Park.”

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. Rivulets of water trickled down his forehead. He dabbed at them with his pocket square before answering, “Darling, the evidence will be long gone.”

“I think it’s still important, just in case, after…”

The lights in the elevator flickered out and the elevator came to an abrupt stop. Lucifer felt the jolt acutely in the pit of his stomach.

“No, no, this just won’t do,” he murmured.

He strode over to the doors while Chloe fumbled with the flashlight on her phone and pressed the elevator’s emergency button.

“Seriously,” Chloe muttered when it did nothing.

When Lucifer failed to respond, Chloe raised her phone’s light.

“What are doing?” she gasped. 

Lucifer had created quite a large dent in the door, giving him leverage to pry them open. He looked back at her but before he could explain, Chloe’s fingers were digging into his arm.

“No, no, I don’t want to fall down the elevator shaft!”

Lucifer swallowed and nodded once, “Right.”

“Let’s just sit here and wait, surely it can’t be too long,” Chloe suggested. She released his arm and Lucifer immediately felt the absence of her touch and the calming effect it had on the odd sensation building in his chest. 

Lucifer paced the elevator while Chloe slide down the wall and sighed. After a few minutes she noticed Lucifer’s quickening breath. 

“Are you okay?” she asked, her voice filling with concern. 

“Yes,” he answered tightly.

Chloe stood up and grabbed his hand. It was clammy. Her fingers rested on his pulse. His blood was pounding beneath his skin. Worry rooted itself in Chloe’s throat but she swallowed it down.

“You’re not okay. Come on, sit down with me.”

He shook his head. Lucifer’s eyes were glazed and he was trying to hold his breath to combat how fast his heart was racing.

Suddenly, he took a shuddering breath and swayed.

Chloe interlocked their fingers and Lucifer immediately squeezed her hand, subconsciously grounding himself through her touch.

“I feel strangely light headed,” he murmured.

“What do you need from me?” Chloe asked softly.

“I… I…”

Lucifer slowly sank to the ground and Chloe sat back down with him. He let go of her hand and instead gripped her arm, holding it tight, as he rested his head between his bent knees.

“Do you want me to talk to you, take your mind off this?”

Lucifer shook his head between his legs.

“Okay, breathe with me then,” she whispered. Chloe took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly.

Lucifer took a shaky breath in and released the air quickly. 

“Like that,” Chloe murmured.

Again, they breathed in and out together.

On the next inhale, Lucifer’s breath got caught in his throat, he pressed his knees against the sides of his head. Sweat beaded on his forehead. He trembled slightly, a consistent tremor running like a current through his whole body. He was burning up.

“I feel this odd sensation in my stomach,” he rasped out. 

“Are you going to throw up,” Chloe asked.

“I bloody hope not,” he groaned.

Lucifer lifted his head and placed it on Chloe’s shoulder. He put his free hand beside him, his palm flat against the cold metal floor. He focused on the way the cold travelled through his veins, cooling off his hot body. He squeezed his eyes shut.

Lucifer sat very still, every so often clutching Chloe’s arm tighter.

“Lucifer, try counting to ten in your mind… like this, breathe in, breathe out, one, breathe in, breathe out, two,” she trailed off.

“It’s going to be okay.” Her voice was calm and soothing although Lucifer was in no place to consciously recognise that at the time.

Chloe knew the panic was subsiding when his grip lessened. Lucifer was existing entirely in his mind, slowly succeeding in replacing the uncontrollable spiral of thoughts with _breathe,_ _swallow, he was going to be okay_ , _inhale, exhale, one…_

Over half an hour passed. Then the lights flickered and the elevator jolted. Lucifer started. The elevator rose through the shaft and stopped smoothly. Lucifer’s eyes bore into the doors and then there was a ding and they opened.

He stood up, still feeling untethered, and reached down to help Chloe stand. He gripped her hand tightly hoping she couldn’t feel it shaking.

“Right, we’ll take the stairs next time,” he said, quickly releasing her hand and brushing imaginary dust off his pants.

“Drink Detective?” he asked lightly, stepping into the penthouse, his back to her as he strode to the bar.

“No, I’m fine,” she replied slowly. “Are you?”

“Quite, thank you.”

“I didn’t know you were claustrophobic,” Chloe said gently.

“I’m not,” Lucifer said looking insulted. He poured Chloe a drink anyway. Then downed his whiskey in a single go.

Chloe took a step toward him and he thought she was reaching for the drink but instead she picked up his hand.

“I’m afraid of falling, losing people I love and not being able to help someone in need,” she said, sincerity filling her words. 

Lucifer looked at her strangely.

“I’m sorry to hear that, darling.”

Chloe waited for Lucifer to continue but he just looked down at their hands. Chloe gave him a gentle squeeze, “You know I’m always here if you want to talk.”

Lucifer nodded.

“Well,” she said releasing his hand. “You better have been telling the truth about those stairs, because we need to head back to the park.” She smiled.

Lucifer cocked his head, “I always tell the truth.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Lucifer asked looking bewildered.

Once again Chloe gave him space to talk but he simply adjusted his cufflinks and gestured behind her to the open stairwell.

Lucifer broke into a grin, “Onwards and upwards, Detective, or should I say downwards?”

Chloe rolled her eyes and Lucifer finally felt at ease.


	3. Lucifer's Doorways

The Los Angeles skyline was visible through the glass of the balcony doors. Chloe shook her head slightly as she turned to watch Lucifer carefully slice a block of cheese. He had insisted on acclimatising her to the ‘finer’ cheeses.

“Lucifer?”

“Hm, Darling?”

“You don’t have any doors in your penthouse. The balcony doors are practically windows, and the elevator… well that isn’t really a door when anyone can come up at any time, is it?” She looked at him pointedly hoping he too was remembering the unwelcome interruption of Jana over a year ago.

Lucifer cut the last slice of cheese slowly and placed it on the platter he had been painstakingly constructing. 

Chloe bit the inside of her cheek. Knowing the truth about Lucifer had only answered a few of her many questions. She wanted to talk to him. Everything she knew about him were partial truths. She wanted to be what he needed… what he wanted. But she needed to know more, for herself, and because she desperately wanted to prove to Lucifer that she could accept him - all of him. Chloe wanted to be worthy of his admiration. But Lucifer was excellent at diversion and distraction. All of Chloe’s questions remained vaguely answered or not answered at all.

She’d noticed his lack of traditional doors one day when the sun was streaming in through the glass, hitting Lucifer’s face in a way that accentuated his jaw bone and lit up his eyes. She thought he looked beautiful that day and she wanted nothing more than to kiss the corner of his mouth and bask in the sunlight with him. But they had not been quite at that stage yet, the kissing stage – the _relationship_ stage. It was then that her mind had jumped back to Jana’s interruption and it had dawned on Chloe that Lucifer didn’t really have much privacy at all in his penthouse. She had always wondered how he managed his many escapades without a door to his bedroom and shuddered at the thought that he revelled in the fact that anyone could join at any moment. She thought doors were a safe topic but from Lucifer’s uncharacteristic silence, a silence that was more characteristic now to these types of questions, she could tell there was something to it.

Lucifer brought the platter over and placed it on the coffee table, taking a seat opposite her. That was not a good sign, she decided. He placed his elbows on his knees and interlocked his fingers, resting his chin atop his hands. He sighed.

“Hell has many doors. Literally millions.”

Chloe waited for him to continue but he appeared to have nothing more to say. She recalled an earlier conversation they’d had about Hell and decided to revisit it. If he’d let her. 

“So, people unknowingly doom themselves to Hell based on their own guilt and then they’re locked in a room for eternity to live out their… what did you call it?”

“Hell Loop,” Lucifer supplied flatly unable to meet her eyes. He despised talking about the place he had ruled over for millennia. Especially to Chloe.

“But... I’m guilty of so many things,” she whispered, breaking through his thoughts.

Lucifer’s eyes snapped up.

“You will never go to Hell,” he said sharply. 

Chloe chewed on her lip.

“I nearly poisoned you for God’s sake! Sorry… sorry I mean not God, I’m still…”

“It’s quite alright, darling,” Lucifer responded quietly, his anger dissipating as quickly as it had come.

“No, I should never have even considered the idea. I knew you and yet I doubted you… I…” Chloe felt heat rise into her cheeks.

“You were preyed upon by a coward, Detective. Someone who couldn’t face me themselves, someone who wanted all of the glory of ridding the world of evil without doing any of the work.”

“I should have known better,” Chloe murmured, shaking her head softly.

“How could you have? Everything you thought you knew about the world was wrong. The belief system on which you lived your entire mortal life…”

Now it was Chloe’s turn to cut him off, “No, what I believe in still stands true, there is good and evil in the world. But you were never evil, Lucifer.” She wanted to say sorry, but how could she truly say sorry after learning that guilt damned souls to hell. It felt disingenuous to say no matter how much she felt it.

Lucifer nodded once, meeting her eyes.

“Now, I must correct you, the doors in Hell do not lock,” he stated abruptly.

Chloe was still trying to process the reality that she would spend eternity in Hell potentially reliving the moment she tried to poison Lucifer over and over again. And yet it was not her Hell Loop that she feared, it was the simple fact that she had hurt the person she loved and she could never take that action or rather, intention back.

“What?”

“The doors in Hell, do not lock. Souls tend to not know that the doors are there. Guilt-ridden, remember?”

“Their own guilt keeps them trapped in their Hell Loop unable to escape?”

“Yup,” Lucifer said popping the ‘p’ as though they were discussing precinct gossip over a cup of awful coffee during their break.

Chloe stared at him until his feigned nonchalance slipped, revealing carefully concealed terror.

Lucifer suddenly found it difficult to breathe.

“Is that why you don’t have a door to your bedroom, Lucifer?”

The penthouse fell completely silent.

“No one ever talks about the door or lack thereof,” he eventually answered with a huff and the ghost of a smile. “But of course you’d notice.”

“Lucifer?”

He gave her a sharp nod in answer to her question and stared straight ahead. That and he detested the slamming of doors, hated the thought of being alone and could never quite get over the choking sensation he felt that one day, he would forget that he could escape.

“You’re not guilty,” she whispered. “Of anything. You were a little boy, tossed out by your father and ordered to watch over souls that were already corrupted. It’s not your fault. You have nothing to be guilty of.”

Lucifer clenched his fists.

“Nor do you,” he responded gruffly.

Chloe stood up and reached for his hand. He looked at their fingers, touching only at the fingertips and opened his palm to accept her hand. She tugged him up.

“Let’s sit in the doorway to your bedroom,” she said smiling shyly.

Lucifer huffed but allowed himself to be dragged and then gently pushed down on the marble steps.

“You have steps leading up to your bedroom,” she nearly giggled.

“Like a princess,” Lucifer muttered darkly.

“What?”

“Oh, something your little urchin said once, quite rude if you ask me,” he said, miffed.

Chloe rolled her eyes.

“I mean, you’re kind of a prince, up here in your tower.”

“I like heights.”

Chloe nodded, “Most people are scared of heights.”

“Yes, well.”

“It’s normal to have fears, to be afraid…”

“I’m _not_ afraid,” Lucifer interrupted.

“That time you freaked out in the elevator?” Chloe asked as gently as she could.

“I’d gone back to Hell and become trapped in my own penthouse, the elevator, was right there and I…” his anger left him, “It just reminded me, that’s all.”

Chloe nodded, “It’s okay.”

She stood up and reached her hand down to haul Lucifer up with her.

“Bed?” she asked.

Lucifer placed his hand back in hers and let her pull him into the room. She shimmied out of her jeans and shirt and Lucifer’s eyes lingered on her legs before she padded over to the bed and neatly tucked herself away under his duvet. Lucifer watched her for a moment before Chloe raised her eyebrow.

“Uh, I need to put the food away,” he blurted out and he missed Chloe’s soft smile as he hurried off.

When he returned, Chloe was lying on her back with her eyes closed. Lucifer undressed and slid into bed next to her.

Lucifer rolled against Chloe and placed a kiss on her shoulder. She opened her eyes and gazed at him.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“For what?”

“For staying.”

“I’ll always be here to open doors for you, Lucifer,” Chloe said with a smile.

“That’s literally my job, Detective.”

Chloe laughed.

“You won’t always be here,” he whispered, more to himself, but Chloe heard him.

“But I’ll be here,” she replied tapping his chest. It something she’d done with Trixie from time to time when her daughter had worried about her mother dying. Of course, it never really reassured Trixie and it sure as hell didn’t reassure Lucifer, but, he appreciated the thought.

He held her finger bringing it to his lips and kissed it.


	4. Trixie's Door

The handmade sign was written on a peach coloured piece of paper. It read, ‘No boys allowed except Lucifer and Dad.’

Lucifer studied it. He took a step forward and the floorboard squeaked.

Suddenly, the door opened.

“Why are you staring at my door?” Trixie enquired sceptically.

“This sign is peculiar, child.” Lucifer had learned long ago that _bluffing_ to the Detective’s daughter was a useless trick that required far too much effort and yielded zero results.

“For instance, _any_ girl is allowed in your room, but no boys and then you’ve added that I am allowed in but so is your father and I can’t quite seem to grasp the connection… If anything it’s a little insulting, to me I mean, that I should be likened or rather grouped with Detective D… Daniel.”

Trixie raised an eyebrow.

“You think too much.”

“I beg your pardon!” Lucifer gasped.

“It’s simple. I don’t want boys in my room. But Daddy reads me bedtime stories and tucks me in and you keep the monsters away.”

“I, what?”

“Well, you are the Devil, so all the monsters must be scared of you.”

“But you’re not?”

“You’re not scary to me silly.”

“Right… of course not.”

Trixie stepped back, “You can read to me tonight. Mommy’s busy.”

Lucifer frowned, scrambling for an excuse. But Trixie had already jumped into bed and was looking at him expectantly.

“Fine,” he grumbled.

“Close the door,” Trixie said when Lucifer crossed the threshold.

Lucifer froze. Then he scowled, “Why? I thought I scared the monsters away?”

Trixie curled herself into her duvet and her smile faded.

“Urchin?” Lucifer asked, worried. “Are you sick, should I call your mother?”

“No,” she shook her head. “Please close the door, I want to tell you a secret, I don’t want Mommy to hear.”

Lucifer took a breath and shut the door as quickly and quietly as possible. He turned around to face the child.

“I’m scared of people with guns,” she whispered. “Not even you can scare them away. But with the door closed I have time to hide under the bed.”

Lucifer swallowed as Trixie held his eyes with hers, not a single tear in sight.

“Why don’t you want your mother to know?”

“Because she’ll feel badly that she works with bad people with guns all the time and that she has a gun. She’ll say her work is ‘affecting me’,” Trixie admitted.

She looked up at Lucifer, patiently waiting for his response. Lucifer admired her bravery. Whenever he revealed his fears he would look away, unable to face the shame. He understood better than anyone, that revealing one’s fears, opened a door into one’s soul. It shows a glimpse of who they really are. His heart broke for the little girl, no child should ever have a reason to be that brave, no child should have thought so thoroughly about overcoming their fears. 

He gazed at the closed door considering. The child had no guilt, she had no reason to be afraid.

As if she could read his mind, “I feel so guilty when Mommy worries about me.”

“I remember,” Lucifer responded quietly.

Trixie’s bedroom door was a sliding one so Lucifer reasoned that it actually had nothing to do with the doors of Hell and it certainly did not have a lock on it, child’s door and all that. He would be fine.

“Lucifer?”

“Hmm.”

“Please don’t tell Mom.”

“Your secret is safe with me, I promise child.”

Trixie smiled, glanced over to double check the door was closed and, satisfied, thrust _The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe_ into Lucifer’s lap.

Lucifer looked down at the book and murmured, “Bloody Hell.”

He opened it up to the page with the bookmark and began to read, “Four adventurers step through a wardrobe door and into the land of Narnia…”


	5. Chloe's Doorway

Lucifer knocked politely on Chloe’s front door. As she opened it he caught the end of an eye roll.

“You never knock,” she commented unnecessarily.

“Yes, well, I thought since tonight is our first _sleepover_ …” The way his tongue slicked over the word sleepover made Chloe take a sharp breath, “at your place, I wanted to be the perfect gentleman.” He grinned with pride.

Chloe bit her bottom lip to stop herself from smiling but the light in her eyes gave her away. 

“Well come in then.”

Lucifer stepped inside and Chloe closed the door behind them, flicking the lock. Lucifer flinched. She gazed at him, unsure of how to proceed.

“Do you want a drink?” she asked a little too brightly.

Lucifer nodded.

The kitchen light was on, casting a dim glow over the living room. Lucifer’s eyes found the staircase leading up into the darkness. Trixie was at Dan’s for the weekend and Maze had promised to stay at Linda’s place. He watched Chloe carefully pour red wine into two glasses.

“You seem nervous,” Lucifer commented as Chloe passed him his glass.

“So do you,” Chloe responded.

“Yes well, you tend to have that effect on me Detective,” Lucifer responded dryly sipping his wine.

Chloe blushed.

Standing in the darkened lounge watching each other, Chloe felt a frisson of anticipation run through her body. When Lucifer had finished his wine, she put their empty glasses on the coffee table.

“I want to show you something,” Chloe blurted out taking his hand.

She tugged him toward the staircase. Behind her Lucifer let out a rumbling laugh.

“Not that,” she responded haughtily, “Well not yet…” 

“Oh?”

Lucifer followed Chloe up the staircase, his hand enveloped warmly in hers. It was the smallest of details but he loved having his hand held by her, more so than holding her hand in his. It was only a matter of slight pressure on her behalf but it made him feel… safe. Sometimes Lucifer wondered if being in love was just being with someone who made you feel safer than anyone else had. Later he would reflect on what a strange realisation that was; he was the devil, an immortal being who should not even understand the concept of being safe because he should have never had to experience being unsafe. Chloe managed to be the reason he could be mortally wounded and the reason he felt the safest he ever had. How odd, he mused.

They had reached the top of the staircase and walked down the hall to Chloe’s room.

“Um… so, I thought, I thought that maybe it would be nice,” Chloe took a deep breath.

Lucifer frowned slightly.

Chloe turned to her bedroom doorway and gestured.

Lucifer tilted his head.

“I took my door off its hinges, I know we could have just left it open, or maybe this is stupid and you were fine with it closed. This is probably stupid. But I heard what you said about doors the other night and I thought you’d feel more comfortable without a door, like your room.”

Lucifer’s eyes widened and he walked into her room to see her door leaning against the wall.

“You took your door off its hinges for me,” he whispered.

Chloe nodded nervously.

“Chloe.”

He reached for her hand and squeezed it gently.

“Thank you,” he breathed tugging her toward him. He pressed his forehead against hers bringing his free hand up to cup her jaw.

“Look at me,” he whispered.

Chloe looked up into his eyes.

“You’re simply… he trailed off. “You’re divine my dear.”

Chloe smiled.

Lucifer kissed the corner of her mouth.

“I just wanted you to feel safe,” she whispered as an afterthought.

Lucifer drew her against him, wrapping his arms around her waist as she locked her hands behind his neck.

“I do,” he whispered. “I do.” 

Suddenly, he remembered something Trixie had said, “But do you? Feel safe. Someone told me once that closed doors make people feel safe too.”

Chloe peered up at him, debating, but finally settled on the truth, “Yes, closed, locked doors do make me feel safe… but when I’m with you, I could be anywhere and I know I’m safe.”

Lucifer’s heart swelled.

Chloe spun away from him and sat down on the bed, batting her eyelashes outrageously.

Lucifer laughed.

That night Lucifer slept closest to the doorway. To protect Chloe from any of the monsters or bad men with guns that could come through. His heart pounding rapidly in his chest with the knowledge that she felt safest with him by her side.

And Chloe slept furthest from the door, so Lucifer wouldn’t feel trapped, so that he knew he could escape anytime, so he too could feel safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by the song [Safe](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WH0xKlC71Hk) by Banners.   
> Banners is the artist that sung [Start a Riot](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXorliBQMxg) which was used in the final episode of season 2.


	6. The Door to Lucifer's Soul

“Desires deserve to be free Detective, it’s why I do what I do,” he grinned as they walked through the precinct to her desk.

Chloe shook her head, “Yeah, but people’s desires can be pretty dark.”

He nodded, conceding her point. They reached her desk and Chloe picked up her bag, packing away her laptop and some files from the Griffith Park case.

“Date night, tonight,” Chloe said, looking up and meeting Lucifer’s eyes. 

Lucifer let his hand graze Chloe’s cheek, before tucking it neatly into his pocket. Some desires would have to wait. They had to remain professional.

“My favourite night of the week, darling.”

“I’ll see you later, yeah?” she asked. He smiled and assured her she would.

Chloe met Lucifer outside of LUX later that evening. The sun had not begun to set yet and people were out in abundance along Hollywood Boulevard. Street performers were scattered along the sidewalks and locals threaded between them and the tourists photographing the stars on the pavement. The air was warm and Chloe wore a red short-sleeved top and a long flowing black skirt. Lucifer as usual, wore a suit.

“No car?” Chloe asked.

“The place I’ve picked is just a stroll down the street, Detective.”

Chloe smiled, “Thank you Lucifer.”

“You haven’t even seen it yet, my dear.” He laughed.

“I just know I’ll love it. Like I love you,” she added firmly. 

Lucifer looked down at her.

“I love you too, Chloe,” he whispered.

Chloe wrapped her arm around his as they joined the crowds, lazily strolling down the street.

Lucifer stopped walking suddenly and Chloe looked up at the restaurant they’d stopped at. It was called _Soul_.

“They serve the best popcorn, Detective,” he said grinning like a child.

Chloe shook her head a little, laughing, “What do you mean?”

“You’ll see,” he said winking.

Lucifer opened the door and gestured for Chloe to walk in.

“Welcome, Mr Morningstar,” the waiter said. “I’ll show you to your table.”

The waiter led Lucifer and Chloe up a set of stairs into a large private room. A table for two was set up in the middle.

“Enjoy, I’ll be up shortly to take your orders. Would you like the complimentary popcorn?”

“Yes, we would, thank you,” Lucifer answered politely. 

Lucifer pulled out Chloe’s chair and she sat down.

The waiter left pulling the long white curtains shut across the doorway, giving them privacy.

“This is beautiful, Lucifer. I can’t believe you got us a room to ourselves.”

Lucifer smiled proudly, taking off his suit jacket revealing a light purple shirt underneath. He rolled the sleeves up to his elbows.

Chloe began to open the menu but Lucifer placed his hand over hers.

“Babe?” She enquired, looking up at him.

“You don’t mind the curtains?”

Chloe looked over at where the curtains hung and frowned, shaking her head slowly. “No? Why would I?”

Lucifer shrugged.

Chloe went back to her menu.

“I actually wanted to talk to you about something I said - or rather did not say,” he blurted out.

Chloe looked up again and nodded, “Okay.”

She closed her menu, resting her arms on top of it, giving him her full attention.

“I don’t have a door to my bedroom because I do feel guilty, you were right,” he began. “I’m scared that one day I’ll fall asleep, alone, and wake up in a Hell Loop and never be able to escape.” He paused for a brief moment. “But I feel guilty for more than you suggested. You see, the idea to torture human souls based on their own guilt, was my idea.”

Lucifer’s brown eyes watched Chloe carefully, his heart skipping a beat. 

“Oh,” she said, taking a moment to process the information and add it to her growing collection of things about Lucifer.

“Why?” Her question wasn’t accusatory, merely curious and Lucifer could not fault her for that.

“I… I was angry that all the doors in Hell led to empty rooms, that I was trapped. And I, well I suppose deep down, I didn’t want to lock anyone in a room just because Heaven rejected them. I knew that feeling all too well, Detective.”

He shifted in his seat. “But over time, I saw that those souls in Hell were truly monstrous. They deserved all the pain and suffering. But I…”

“You still felt guilty.”

Lucifer hesitated, “Yes…”

Chloe watched him, waiting for him to continue.

“Heaven only sent monsters to Hell and well, my Father sent me so when I saw all these souls deserving of their punishments I realised that I must also be deserving of mine.”

“Punishment for what?” Chloe frowned slightly. 

“Desiring, wondering, wanting…” Lucifer’s voice wavered. 

“Lucifer…” Chloe clasped her hands together under the table to stop herself from reaching for him.

Lucifer swallowed visibly and continued. 

“When I fell I so desperately wanted to be accepted so I pretended to be the monster that all of Hell’s inhabitants wanted me to be. But it was a double edged sword Detective, you see, I used my own free will to become a being deserving of punishment.”

Lucifer shook his head as he tried to find the right words, “Don’t you…”

The waiter entered the room, large ceramic bowl of popcorn in hand.

“Are you ready to order?”

Chloe and Lucifer both jumped. The heaviness in the air lifted. 

Chloe took a few quick breaths trying to calm her racing pulse. She blushed, “We haven’t even looked at our menus, I’m sorry. Give us another 5 minutes?”

The waiter nodded politely.

“Try some,” Lucifer said, a child-like glee dancing beneath his words. 

Chloe picked up a popped kernel and placed it on her tongue. Lucifer’s eyes darkened.

“Oh my Go…sh, that’s the best popcorn I have ever tasted.”

Lucifer chuckled, “My job here is done!”

He took a handful and so did Chloe.

“You were saying,” Chloe prompted. The brief interlude over. The atmosphere once again feeling heavy and electric. 

Lucifer looked away but then brought his gaze back to meet Chloe’s.

“Don’t you want to lock me in a room and see if I can escape it? Confirm that I’m not a monster, that I’m not guilty?”

Chloe stared at him. He was trembling, only slightly, but Chloe could see the panic in his eyes. She considered her words carefully.

“No. I don’t want to lock you in a room, I don’t want to put you in any situation that causes you fear. Our fears, Lucifer, they hold us back and overcoming them makes us stronger. But you’re not afraid of doors.”

“I…”

“Let me finish, I don’t think you’re afraid of doors because I think that the real fear is that you’re afraid of being trapped, of having your freedom taken away because that’s what your Father did to you when he threw you out of Heaven. Hell and all those doors represent Heaven rejecting you and… maybe I don’t understand, maybe I’m way off Lucifer, but I think you feel guilty for betraying yourself.”

Lucifer sat frozen across from her. She took a breath, but hurried on because now it was her turn to be scared. Scared that Lucifer would say she didn’t understand and that he would leave for good believing that she truly could not accept him.

“I don’t need you to be guilt-free and I don’t need you to be perfect. I want you to be you, Lucifer. The ‘you’ that you’ve been afraid to be for millennia, the version of you that you hid when your Father punished you for being it. That’s the Lucifer I want, that’s the Lucifer I love. You had to make an impossible choice, fit in and become a monster that you did not want to be or be true to yourself and be alone and rejected in a place you didn’t belong. You had to make a sacrifice. And I don’t fault you for the choice you made.”

Chloe’s voice was filled with fervour but she knew that if she stopped talking the emotion gathering behind her eyes would pour out. She ignored Lucifer’s stillness, his wide eyes and her own trembling hands.

“Lucifer, I don’t care if I never sleep in a room with a door ever again. I care that that’s what _you_ want, I care about the things that scare you and even more I care about the things that don’t, the things that you love and desire and want.”

Chloe stood up, feeling lightheaded, and stepped next to Lucifer. She placed her hands on his cheeks and raised his eyes to hers.

“I see you, and I want to spend my whole life showing you that I do. I want you to feel comfortable and I want you to feel loved and most importantly I want you to feel safe.” _Being you,_ were the words remained unsaid.

A tear escaped Chloe’s eye and Lucifer thumbed it away.

“I don’t know what to say,” he whispered. “You accept me.” It was a statement but he furrowed his eyebrows as if it was a question.

“I do,” Chloe whispered. “Do you feel accepted?”

Her heart pounded in her ears. No moment had ever felt as important as this.

“I do.”

Chloe tilted her head down and Lucifer rose to kiss her.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” The waiter flushed as Chloe and Lucifer looked up. They hadn’t heard him come in.

“Knock, next time,” Lucifer snapped.

Chloe and the waiter looked at each other and then looked at the curtain.

“Oh,” Lucifer mumbled.

Another moment and then they all burst into laughter.

“Sorry, sorry,” Chloe said trying to catch her breath. “Another 5 minutes?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soul is a real restaurant on Hollywood Boulevard. I've been there and the popcorn is magical. It also has really nice meals! Highly recommend. I want to go back so bad but I don't live in the US, let alone L.A. *Cries*
> 
> Soul Restaurant and Bar   
> 7046 Hollywood Blvd.  
> Los Angeles, CA 90028  
> (323) 962-7685


	7. Death's Door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Character death (temporary)

“Chloe?”

Her eyes fluttered.

“Please,” his voice cracked.

“It’s okay,” she whispered.

Lucifer shook his head and pressed a hand against her bleeding chest.

“Don’t go.”

“I’m not afraid.”

Lucifer gave a small smile, “I’m glad.”

“I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”

“Chloe,” he chuckled weakly, “You’re making no sense…”

“I am safe,” she rasped. “In your arms.”

Her body stilled.

Lucifer let out a guttural scream. The sound torn from his throat. He curled himself around Chloe’s body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by [In Your Arms](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7jsd_rNADI) by Illenium ft. X Ambassadors.


	8. The Gates of Heaven

“This is as far as I go,” Lucifer said.

Chloe pressed her head against the crook of his neck.

He gently placed her down on an invisible ledge in front of the two large golden gates.

Chloe’s heart jumped as she seemingly stood in the middle of the sky. _Does my heart still beat_ she wondered.

Lucifer’s wings flapped gently as he hovered. Chloe turned around to look at him.

“Will you take care of Trixie for me?” she asked. 

Lucifer gave a single sharp nod. He dropped his gaze.

One of the gates opened slightly and a man poked his head out, “Monkey?”

Chloe spun around, “Dad!”

“I thought I heard your voice,” he replied quietly.

The second gate opened wide, revealing a form, not quite a form, more like a writhing, glittery mass.

“Samael,” boomed a voice.

Lucifer who was now resting on the ledge next to Chloe stumbled backwards. He frantically flapped his wings to regain balance.

“Dad?” he asked, his voice strangled.

“That’s God?”

“In one of his many forms,” Lucifer muttered.

“Welcome Chloe Decker,” God spoke. He addressed Lucifer, “My son.”

The mass shifted allowing them both to pass.

They both stood there.

Chloe glanced at Lucifer who was staring through the gates and held out her hand.

Lucifer looked down at it and then back up. He swallowed once, unsure, or maybe disbelieving that he was allowed to step through the gates with her. _Her_.

He placed his hand in hers, threading their fingers together.

The mass reformed into a human with startling blue eyes and a bald head. While his skin was not marred by wrinkles, he appeared as though he was older than time itself.

God reached out his now-human hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you my child,” he shook Chloe’s hand.

Then he reached up to touch Lucifer’s cheek, “Your journey home has been a long one, My Lightbringer.”

Part of Lucifer wanted to retort that Heaven was not his home but then he glanced down at his hand still clasped in Chloe’s and wondered if maybe it was now. Some small part of him also wondered if Chloe really was a tool, manipulated by God to drag him back to Heaven. But seeing as God was the one who threw him out, that did not make much sense to him.

He gave his Father a tight smile.

John Decker cleared his throat, and Chloe let go of Lucifer’s hand to launch herself toward her father and wrap him in a tight hug.

“I’ve missed you, Dad,” she whispered.

“I am so proud of you, Monkey,” her Dad replied, holding her gently.

He pulled away and gazed at his daughter. Chloe smiled, tears filling her eyes.

“I’m so happy to see you…” he whispered. He cleared his throat, “But it’s not your time. You, both of you,” he gestured to Lucifer, “are selfless and…”

“You thwarted my plan,” God laughed, a deep rumbling laugh. Chloe stared in shock. Lucifer was too confused by hearing his Father use the word _thwarted_.

“Samael…”

“It’s Lucifer, my name is Lucifer.”

God nodded, “Yes, you’re right. Lucifer, I want you to take Chloe to the edge of Heaven, and cast a star.” 

God’s tone was no-nonsense and, in what Lucifer saw as typical God fashion, he was vague with information but forthcoming with orders. 

Chloe looked frantically at Lucifer but Lucifer was lost in memories, transported to another time.

John regarded them sympathetically but motioned for them to go.

“Lucifer?” Chloe questioned.

“My Father has given us an order, he does not look too favourably upon free will,” came Lucifer’s terse and emotionless response. His eyes flickered toward his father’s. It seemed nothing had changed. 

God had the audacity to look ashamed. Lucifer narrowed his eyes, a fiery reply waiting to answer whatever excuses his Father would give him.

God looked sadly upon his son, “I thought I knew what was best for you, but I was wrong. Along with freedom and curiosity comes inevitable choice and with choices come consequences.”

Lucifer had waited millennia for this moment. The rage and the pain had been a part of him for so long. But now that it had come, Lucifer was disappointed. He wanted to fight for the being he had become and watch as God realised his plan to crush his son’s spirit in the depths of Hell had failed. 

“Not all consequences are bad,” Chloe interrupted. Lucifer’s head snapped toward her and regarded her with awe.

“Certainly true, but I just wanted to protect my son. However, there was no need, because you my dear,” he gestured at Chloe, “did it so well.”

Chloe turned to Lucifer, her confidence replaced by worry.

“So you did send the Detective? You sent her to protect me?” Lucifer snapped.

He could feel his resolve slipping. His whole life he had carried the burden of being rejected for wanting and wondering. He had carved a life out of being desired and fulfilling the desires of others while simultaneously craving the acceptance of the one being who never gave it to him. He was still craving it but Lucifer realised he didn’t _need_ it anymore. Not really.

“Well, to protect you and show you that you were worthy of being loved.” God paused. He clasped his hands together. “But more than that, I knew that Ms Decker would be fierce, compassionate and strong. Unfortunately, humanity does not look fondly upon women of such character.”

Chloe frowned. “Totally your fault,” she mumbled.

God chuckled and Chloe jumped not realising she had spoken out loud.

“Yes. There are flaws. Free will does come with consequences.” He looked at her meaningfully. Chloe opened her mouth with a retort about using her own words against her but God had already continued.

“She,” he said addressing Lucifer, “needed someone who would be honest with her. Someone who was so _frustratingly_ curious about her that she would inevitably let them in. And someone who could love her unconditionally, passionately and with all the light in the universe.”

Chloe objected to being spoken to like she wasn’t there and Lucifer opened his mouth to say so but his father continued, “I did not bring you together, I had a vision of what I wanted for you, as every parent has for their child, but you found each other. You fell in love of your own free will.” 

God looked smug and while Chloe did not think he had a right to be after all he had put his son through, she loved Lucifer and knew that this is what he needed to hear to let go of the fear that Chloe had no choice but to love him. Her loving him - that was all _his_ own doing. Lucifer did that all by himself.

Lucifer looked at his Father, speechless. 

Then.

“Are you sorry?” Lucifer whispered. Chloe grabbed his hand and found it was shaking. He squeezed it.

“Yes,” God responded meeting Lucifer’s eyes.

Lucifer let out the breath he was holding and Chloe blinked back tears.

“Now go,” God told them.

Lucifer grabbed Chloe’s hand and led her away from the gates. Heaven shifted around them. Heaven appeared the way each soul believed it would. Lucifer saw a village, cobble stones that fell away into the galaxy below. Chloe saw clouds, soft and white. They walked toward a horizon that seemed unattainable. Time flowed differently and before long Chloe there was no mistaking that they had reached an edge of some sort. They stood atop what felt like a steep incline. Stars glittered and burned. Chloe stood in wonder.

God’s voice boomed again, this time in their minds.

“My Lightbringer, I want you to create a star and I want you to name her Love.”

Lucifer let go of Chloe’s hand. He stretched out his fingers and summoned the light of the universe. Orbs of electricity crackled between his fingers, growing brighter and brighter as he manipulated them. He closed his eyes, concentration paramount to the process of creating a star. He spun with golden threads as the star began to take shape.

And then he stopped. He opened his eyes and gazed upon his creation. It was the brightest star he had ever created, although smaller in size. He cast it out with a gentle push. It glowed brightly in front of them.

God’s voice spoke once again in their minds, deep and full. “Good. Now, I’m sending you both back to Earth, your mortal lives are far from over. I want you to promise me that you’ll come back Lucifer, come back to me. When you see your star, visit me. Please.”

Lucifer opened his mouth to respond but Heaven shifted around them and suddenly the gates of Heaven shimmered in front of them once more.

Then Lucifer was falling. Panic shot through him and his mind went blank. He could feel the phantom pain of landing in Hell, of his wings failing to work.

“Use your wings, Lucifer,” Chloe whispered. Her voice sent a jolt through him. This was not like the first time he fell.

His eyes snapped open. She was right there, holding his hand as they tumbled together.

“You’re falling but this time I’m here. This time it won’t hurt.”

Lucifer tentatively flapped his wings. He remembered that Chloe, too, was afraid of falling. Yet here she was calm, exuding the confidence she always held when it came to him. He flapped his wings harder, gaining control. And instead of falling right through the Earth, they landed on a beach.

Lucifer watched as Chloe collapsed, the bullet wound that had killed her reopening in her chest. She struggled to breath.

Lucifer pressed a hand against her chest and watched the wound knit itself back together.

“Chloe?” He whispered. “Chloe, can you hear me?”

Chloe blinked against the startling bright sunlight. She sat up slowly, pressing a hand to her heart. Her memories trickled back and she gazed at Lucifer.

“How did you?”

“Stardust,” he murmured, showing her the residue left on his hands.

Chloe traced a finger along the lines on his palm.

The first time Lucifer had ever fallen, he’d landed in a dark place, characterised by its lack of space. The second time he’d fallen, it had been into royal blue eyes that made him feel safe.   
The third time he fell, he landed on a beach. The ocean and sand stretched for miles. The waves resembled a patchwork quilt made solely from shades of blue.

“You belong here,” Chloe said gesturing to the Earth and the beach and the wide open space.

Lucifer tapped Chloe’s chest, where her bullet wound was now a neat little scar across her heart.

“No, I belong here.”

Chloe looked at him and slowly shook her head, realising what she should have realised earlier.

“Yes, and Lucifer, you also belong here.”

Lucifer looked down to where she had placed her hand over his own heart. He was confused for a moment before he realised what she was saying.

The door to Lucifer’s heart was open. He could finally see exactly who he was and as he peered through the doorway, he liked what he saw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Let me know what you thought!!!


End file.
